Holiday Time

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if things were different? Do you ever wish you could have something that you cannot have? Well here it is… the holidays are approaching. This weekend has been terrible. I loved Holidays with Hayden. He had seven smocked Halloween/harvest outfits. He also had 3 Halloween costumes. The moral of the story today is grieving during the holidays is terrible. You WISH you could have one more Halloween with him. Unfortunately, in reality I do understand that you would always want just one more. The holidays are going to be different. Everybody gets so excited about trick or treating, class parties, Halloween movies and the list goes on. What am I suppose to do without Hayden for Halloween? Well we are going to plant flowers at the cemetery. He will have the prettiest grave in Greenville. He was our sunshine. He was everything in our eyes. It has been two months but it seems like an eternity. We cry. We hurt. We have days where we struggle to breathe.

Then I question, what if God would have allowed Hayden one more set of Holidays? What would it be like? He was getting so big. Would he be in a wheelchair? Would he be on continuous O2? Would he need to be deep suctioned even more? Would he be having 100 plus seizures a day? Bless our poor angel’s heart. He was so strong. He endured so much pain each day. Yet, he still smiled and cooed. We are going to remember to that Hayden is walking, giggling, and talking. He is learning all of the “in’s and out’s” of heaven so he can teach us one day. We will be able to spend eternity with our precious pumpkin.

I walk through Wal-Mart to see people complaining about having to buy costumes, candy, etc for their kids. Well, I just wish everyone realized to count each day as a special blessing. Nobody is promised tomorrow. I would do anything to buy one more bag of candy, and one more costume. Be THANKFUL that you are given the opportunity to spend a holiday with your precious family. Take photos, paint pumpkins, and enjoy each moment. Life can change in a year. Life can change in a way that makes breathing difficult. So make each moment count. Love your family unconditionally. I am so thankful for a son that taught me real life morals. I am so thankful for a son that allowed us the ability to realize what is important in life. I am so thankful for a husband that is going to be my backbone as we struggle to breathe throughout the holiday season. All will be good in the end because we will spend eternity with our child in Heaven one day.

“Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9B