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Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Believing in the power of prayer to restore our strength.

Well it is almost Hayden’s 16 month birthday. So I know many of you are beginning to wonder how Brent and I are doing. Well, the truth is we are transitioning. Unfortunately, it is not too good. I have always spoken the truth in our blog. I will continue to speak the truth in our blog. I was SOOO busy as soon as Hayden passed that we never really had a moment to stop breathing. We just kept on being strong for Hayden. We kept on looking at signs from Hayden. We are continuing to look at Hayden signs. Hayden comes in the signs of dimes and butterflies. I LOVE my sweet man.
                The company is slowing down. The calls and messages are back to normal.  The mail is back to normal. The flowers are dead. The house is clean again. The grass is beginning to grow over the grave. I have gone back to work. Okay, so life should be normal again???? Well, I wish it was that easy. Unfortunately, we are missing the most important thing in life, our little boy.
                Yes, I know people are trying to move on. Look at your children. Look at the love you have for them. Imagine life without them. It is a thought that most people cannot even fathom. I would not wish our pain on anyone. I wish that Hayden was lying on my chest right now. I LOVE our sweet angel.
                The one thing that is keeping us from shutting down is our faith in Christ and each other. I love my husband more than anything. He is the only reason that God ever blessed me with sweet Hayden. We have memories that nobody can compare too. We are continuing to hold on to the power of prayer. We are continuing to visualize our next day with Hayden. It will be the most glorious day in the world. I cannot wait to see him again one day. Someone wrote today saying that Hayden had the prettiest curls in heaven. His hair was that of silk. I can only smile as I visualize this.
                Brent and I went to the beach. We saw hundreds of butterflies. They were flying on the beach. We saw wild sunflowers growing in the sand. We saw a dove in the sunset. All of these things are signs from Hayden. Hayden has been coming in the way of dimes for awhile now with my mother. In the past week, I am finding mysterious dimes in random places. WOW, that is my HAYHAY! Brent is seeing sunflowers throughout the camp as he works from daylight to sunset. It is just all so magical. God is the most amazing person in the world. Heaven is the most spectacular place. I am so thankful to know that our child is no longer suffering. I am so thankful to know that he can walk, talk, run, and is seizure free. We never got to experience the normal. Thankfully, I know that Hayden is now experiencing the normal. This is something that makes me smile.
                Hayden has saved marriages. Hayden has made people get baptized. Hayden has made my husband and me strong believers in the word of Jesus. He was truly a missionary. I am truly proud of his job on Earth. Sadly, as times slow down the weakness begins to occur. The strength seems to disappear. What is next in our lives? What are we supposed to do now? So many questions, so many worries.  I have not slept in weeks. Our bodies are exhausted. Our brains are hurting. We are continuing to remember to JUST BREATHE. Please keep Brent and I in your prayers as each of you begin to celebrate all of the upcoming holidays with friends and family. Hayden was the KING of holidays. I know he will be the KING of Holidays in HEAVEN.
                Lastly, thank you to everyone that has used their own money to make donations in Hayden’s memory. You are saving the lives’ of children from across the State. Batson, St. Jude, and Arkansas Children’s are just a few of the many places where donations have been made for Hayden. YOU are saving the lives’ of many children with this simple gift. We will never be able to thank each of you enough. Our journey is just beginning. We have hundreds of RARE diseases in this world without a cure. For the ones of you that know me and Brent, Hayden gave us his strength. We will continue to support and have HOPE for all the parents fighting similar battles. We are going to FIGHT for the lives of hundreds of kids in the hospitals around the world. We BELIEVE in PRAYER. WE BELIEVE in MIRACLES. WE still have HOPE for HAYDEN. I firmly believe whether home, heaven, or a hospital, God is going to take care of each of his angels. I will forever give my thanks to him for allowing us to be the parents of an angel.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Brent and I have been faced with more than I wish ANY of our friends to ever deal with during the past month. The word DEATH when dealing with a child is so much more than that of an adult. I remember talking to our hospice nurse one day. The difference is an adult has had opportunities. They have completed their goals here on Earth. We can find peace in death of adults so much easier. The problem is how do you understand the word Death when dealing with a child? In reality, we all believe that God will take us before our children. That is the way life is suppose to go. Parents are NOT supposed to bury their children. Unfortunately, all parents are not as blessed with this opportunity.
                Brent and I fall into the category of not being blessed with this opportunity. We miss our Earth Angel Hayden SOOOO much. What are we supposed to do now? Are we supposed to hate each other? Be mad at God? We have had so many people ask us if we are angry. We started from the beginning only associating ourselves with positive and loving people. Yes, we had to bury our own son. I WOULD NOT trade our last 14.5 months for anything in the world. We had the best and most caring friends and family to walk by our side. The truth is Brent and I are so blessed that God chose us to be the parents to a Heavenly Angel. How many people can say their child was perfect? Literally, Hayden never lied to me or BrentJ I mean our child was PERFECT. The only problem with Hayden is the word pain. He was enduring too much pain to stay here on Earth with us. I learned throughout this process that Brent and I are both the most UNSELFISH people in the world. We made every decision based upon what was best for Hayden. Unfortunately, all of these decisions seemed to hurt us the most. I begged God to allow Hayden to not suffer. I begged God to allow Brent and I to make decisions based on what was best for Hayden not ourselves. God fulfilled our wishes.
                So what should we do now? I have heard so many people say that they were angry with God or their spouse after the death of a loved one. Brent and I are the complete opposite. We are holding each other closer now than ever. We are thanking God for allowing us 14.5 months with Hayden. I am looking at all of the memories made and smiling. We lived each day to the fullest. We have zero regrets. Now, our main goal is to make sure that we continue to praise God, look at his signs, and thank him for trusting us with his special child. We are hoping to become some of the hospitals largest supports. We are hoping to give the word HOPE a new meaning for sick kids. We are HOPING to grow in our relationship with Christ so we can know that we will continue to stay on the correct path to see Hayden again soon. We are not going to allow anybody or anything to change our ability to thank God for each moment with Hayden.
                No I do not want anyone to stop talking about Hayden. We are proud of Hayden. After all, he had the most beautiful lips. He smiled the sweetest smile. He inspired people all over the world. He had hair of silk. Me oh my! I bet it is shinning in Heaven. Hayden was our PERFECT angel. He never even got the opportunity to lie to us. We hope that our friends and family always remember and talk about him. We hope that God continues to use Hayden to establish more Christ bound relationships. We decided at the beginning to allow all negativity out of our life. We are looking forward to living life a day at a time for Hayden.
                Some days, I cry all day. Literally, Saturday was terrible. I cried at the cemetery for three hours. I was missing our “arts and craft” time so I painted and sang at the cemetery to him. Yes, you can call me crazy. Every squirrel, rabbit, bird, and butterfly is now named Hayden. I talked to them like they were my own son. Finally, Brent came to rescue me. He knows just as much as I do that Hayden does not want us to cry and suffer. We begged him to “just breathe” in the last 10 hours of life. He is now reminding us to “just breathe”   Some days are perfect. You see Hayden is showing us signs to get us through all of this. First, he has made sure our close friends and family have kept a close check on us. He is making sure that friends pick us up when we are down. Hayden is showing us so many signs that make us look forward to living our life through Christ so we can see him one day soon. We have a beautiful beach to visit. We have rocks to skip. We have a baseball to throw. Unfortunately, reality says Brent and I are stuck on Earth without Hayden right now. Pictures and memories are all we have until our time to go to Heaven. While we are still on Earth, we are looking forward to continuing the HOPE for HAYDEN legacy for other families of ASLD, kids of Batson, and loving each other. These are the things that Hayden would want for us to do.

In a daily devotional book that mom was given after Hayden passed away, we went to see what August 16 said. Read the following and then tell me if you believe God was waiting with open arms for Hayden. Ironic or a sign from Hayden?  I believe that this is Hayden telling us that God was waiting with open arms. I believe the last section is him explaining that we will be okay.

“Meet me in the Early morning splendor. I eagerly await you here. In this stillness of this holy time with me, I renew your strength and saturate you with Peace.  While others turn over for extra sleep or eagerly tune in for the latest news, you commune with the Creator of the universe. I have awakened in your hearts strong desire to know me.  The longing originated in knowing me, though it now burns brightly in you. When you seek my face in response to My Love-call both of us are blessed. This is a deep mystery, designed more for your enjoyment than your understanding. I am not a dour God who discourages pleasure. I delight in your enjoyment of everything that is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. Think of these things and my light will shine brighter day by day.”

Another sign is the DOVE. Brent woke me up one morning around 6. A baby dove was sitting on our front porch. He was not scared of us. He allowed us to take pictures before flying back into the heavens.  We have also seen birds at the cemetery. One day, one tried to get in the carJ Read the following: Do you believe this is Hayden telling us to stay strong? I do!





Oh, that I had wings like a dove. I would fly away, and be at rest.
– Psalms 55.6
Since ancient times, in many different cultures, the white dove with its grace, strength and beauty has come to represent purity, peace, and that imperishable part of the human being – the soul.

The dove is held close to the heart...a prayer whispered... a blessing asked...and then tossed in the air, the dove takes flight and slowly vanishes into the heavens... carrying hope.
This exaltation of doves brings about closure. It is a powerful visual expression that leaves one with the sense of release. The mournful rejoice...the stoic finally weep.
A handler in appropriate attire will bring the doves to the service or interment and help arrange the release. Family members may choose to hand release the doves and we will assist with this.

Read more about the doves at www.dovesaflight.com


So all in all! We are very proud of our opportunity to be the parents to Hayden. YES, WE ARE DEVASTATED. We are having terrible days. We are crying enough to flood the Mississippi River. No, we are not going to allow it to get in the way of our love for each other. No, we are not going to be angry with God. We are going to praise and thank God for allowing us such an incredible opportunity. Thank you God for allowing us the opportunity to develop more memories in 14 months than most do in a lifetime. We definitely learned to make every moment count. We will always treat each day as our last. We will always put family first. We will always trust and love our Mighty God that gave us such an incredible opportunity to be parents.
   

                                             Love at first sight, only got stronger.......
We made it to his first birthday! Thanks to each of your prayers!
 We had "school" daily! Arts and Crafts are a perfect daily remember of our blessing on Earth....


He worshipped his amazing daddy.
He celebrated every month with a cake as we never knew which month would be his last.


He even had the Easter Bunny come to his 10 month birthday.....
 His rainbow birthday was his last Earth Birthday. He was beginning to look pretty tired. I bet Heaven gave him a huge 15 month party.....



He gave out party favors that will hold as a memory in everyone's heart. ....


He loved his mommy dearly. He lights  up my world......

 We enjoyed the outdoors with our little "sunshine."
 We have friends that loved Hayden every step of the way.....

 He had a father that most kids would dream of having. Simply Amazing.....
 Thank you Pinterest for helping Hayden and I be creative instead of lazy.....
Hayden loved his craft time with mommy. He was just a tad bit sleepy in this picture. Okay, I think he was saying mommy, let's take a break!
 He was the best dresssed child in the Delta. He even slept in smocked and appliqued clothing:)
 He had a cousin that loved him dearly.....
 A family that loved him more than life itself......
A Nana wrapped around his finger.  ....
 The Generals number one fan!
 Celebrated monthly birthdays! A huge one at six months....
Half a cake and a car full of toys to donate to Batson.....
 and more birthdays.....
 beach trips with his grands at paradise.....
 more everlasting memories.....
 so many men in his life that loved him dearly....
 even went to his uncle's first event as a senior....
 more beach trips....
 smiles at lunch with mommy and daddy...
 our last picture on Earth as a family of three.... Until Heaven we shall meet again...
 his friends believe and continue to have HOPE for HAYDEN.....


ALL IN ALL I AM PROUD OF THE ACCOMPLISHMENTS, WE HAVE MADE IN THE PAST 14 MONTHS. WE ARE BEGINNING A NEW JOURNEY. WE WILL CONTINUE TO LIVE EACH DAY FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES IN A WAY THAT HAYDEN WOULD BE PROUD. THANK YOU LORD FOR KEEPING US BUSY MAKING TONS OF MEMORIES WITH HAYDEN! WE ARE PROUD AND BLESSED!

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

No need for medications in Heaven

I would like to start this blog by saying that if you have a child with ASLD please send me an email at lauren122885@hotmail.com. I noticed on a blog a few weeks ago that somebody just had a child diagnosed with it but I could not figure out how to email you from the response.  My husband and I would love to talk, give advice, help, or do anything for children like Hayden.


It has been nearly three weeks. Hayden would have turned 15 months on Saturday. It was a bittersweet day full of emotions. We went to the cemetery to see gifts galore. He received cards, a bird house, sunflowers, hope stone, a guardian angel, a Peter’s angel, a jar of sand and sunshine, wind chimes, a hope Pandora charm, a wooden moose, and a vase of fresh flowers. I have to tell you my husband and I just said WOW! Sweet Hayden has more visitors at the grave than I could have ever imagined. A sweet soul that could say zero words yet impact thousands of lives. I must admit that we are proud to call him our son.

Hayden is 19 days seizure free. It has been nearly a year since I have been able to say this. Brent and I are taking it a day at a time. Some days are better than others. Luckily, we have each other. We just simply giggle as we talk about the past 15 months. You see, Brent and I have a bond like nobody else. Nobody will ever understand exactly what we have been through. Only a few of the 1000’s of people that “think” they understand truly do. We are riding the craziest, most insane, yet the most rewarding rollercoaster in the world. Well, to celebrate Hayden being seizure free I decided to throw away all of his medication. Hayden received medicine three times daily. All of these were part of our life and routine. I still wake up and catch myself trying to go fix meds. Fixing medicines was a process and routine. I did not mind. I did not complain. I would do anything to fix the medication just one more time. Unfortunately, the picture below is just a reminder of how sick Hayden was. Hayden was a perfect, sweet, and innocent Earth Angel. Hayden deserved only the best. It makes me smile to know that he no longer needs all of these medications to feel good. He can walk, crawl, giggle, and talk. He is WELL and HEALED. Hayden is SEIZURE FREE without the help of medicines. Yes, these are the only reminders that are getting us through the bad days.


“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.” John 14:1-3

“There’s no greater gift than to have loved and be loved unconditionally. And there’s no greater pain than to let go of the one who was loved so completely. What is love without pain? Is there such a thing?”