Well it is almost Hayden’s 16 month birthday. So I know many of you are beginning to wonder how Brent and I are doing. Well, the truth is we are transitioning. Unfortunately, it is not too good. I have always spoken the truth in our blog. I will continue to speak the truth in our blog. I was SOOO busy as soon as Hayden passed that we never really had a moment to stop breathing. We just kept on being strong for Hayden. We kept on looking at signs from Hayden. We are continuing to look at Hayden signs. Hayden comes in the signs of dimes and butterflies. I LOVE my sweet man.
The company is slowing down. The calls and messages are back to normal. The mail is back to normal. The flowers are dead. The house is clean again. The grass is beginning to grow over the grave. I have gone back to work. Okay, so life should be normal again???? Well, I wish it was that easy. Unfortunately, we are missing the most important thing in life, our little boy.
Yes, I know people are trying to move on. Look at your children. Look at the love you have for them. Imagine life without them. It is a thought that most people cannot even fathom. I would not wish our pain on anyone. I wish that Hayden was lying on my chest right now. I LOVE our sweet angel.
The one thing that is keeping us from shutting down is our faith in Christ and each other. I love my husband more than anything. He is the only reason that God ever blessed me with sweet Hayden. We have memories that nobody can compare too. We are continuing to hold on to the power of prayer. We are continuing to visualize our next day with Hayden. It will be the most glorious day in the world. I cannot wait to see him again one day. Someone wrote today saying that Hayden had the prettiest curls in heaven. His hair was that of silk. I can only smile as I visualize this.
Brent and I went to the beach. We saw hundreds of butterflies. They were flying on the beach. We saw wild sunflowers growing in the sand. We saw a dove in the sunset. All of these things are signs from Hayden. Hayden has been coming in the way of dimes for awhile now with my mother. In the past week, I am finding mysterious dimes in random places. WOW, that is my HAYHAY! Brent is seeing sunflowers throughout the camp as he works from daylight to sunset. It is just all so magical. God is the most amazing person in the world. Heaven is the most spectacular place. I am so thankful to know that our child is no longer suffering. I am so thankful to know that he can walk, talk, run, and is seizure free. We never got to experience the normal. Thankfully, I know that Hayden is now experiencing the normal. This is something that makes me smile.
Hayden has saved marriages. Hayden has made people get baptized. Hayden has made my husband and me strong believers in the word of Jesus. He was truly a missionary. I am truly proud of his job on Earth. Sadly, as times slow down the weakness begins to occur. The strength seems to disappear. What is next in our lives? What are we supposed to do now? So many questions, so many worries. I have not slept in weeks. Our bodies are exhausted. Our brains are hurting. We are continuing to remember to JUST BREATHE. Please keep Brent and I in your prayers as each of you begin to celebrate all of the upcoming holidays with friends and family. Hayden was the KING of holidays. I know he will be the KING of Holidays in HEAVEN.
Lastly, thank you to everyone that has used their own money to make donations in Hayden’s memory. You are saving the lives’ of children from across the State. Batson, St. Jude, and Arkansas Children’s are just a few of the many places where donations have been made for Hayden. YOU are saving the lives’ of many children with this simple gift. We will never be able to thank each of you enough. Our journey is just beginning. We have hundreds of RARE diseases in this world without a cure. For the ones of you that know me and Brent, Hayden gave us his strength. We will continue to support and have HOPE for all the parents fighting similar battles. We are going to FIGHT for the lives of hundreds of kids in the hospitals around the world. We BELIEVE in PRAYER. WE BELIEVE in MIRACLES. WE still have HOPE for HAYDEN. I firmly believe whether home, heaven, or a hospital, God is going to take care of each of his angels. I will forever give my thanks to him for allowing us to be the parents of an angel.