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Tuesday, November 27, 2012

merry christmas from our family to yours.

Believing in Miracles is one of the main things that I have learned to do in the past 2 years. I have learned to develop expectations that are far larger than realistic. I have learned to BELIEVE and HOPE like that of a Fairy Tell. I am sure many of you have thought, “Wow Lauren, let’s be Realistic.” Luckily, our “unrealistic” goals for Hayden allowed us to learn so much about the value of life. We will never be able to express our love to the friends that have sent cards throughout the past 4 months. The simple text messages of love and support. We LOVE Hayden! We LOVE his legacy. We LOVE talking about him. These are the only parts of life that are going to get us through the next few months. Your love and kind hearts are felt each and every day. We appreciate each person that has continued to recognize Hayden. We appreciate each person that chooses to still talk about him. We have good days. We have bad days. We have strong moments. We have weak moments. I believe all of these moments are normal??? After all losing a child is a little more difficult than putting a dent in your car.

We are going to lean on the memories of last year to make it through this year. We are going to also lean on the friends that have kept us moving for the past few months to keep talking about sweet Hayden and all his sweet moments.

As each of you already know we counted each blessing with Hayden. We counted each day, smile, each seizure free moment, each hand that was lifted in the air. We counted the simple moments in life. We were blessed with an Earth Angel. We were proud of each accomplishment he made. We celebrated monthly. We enjoyed singing Happy Monthly Birthday to Him! Here are some pictures from his Batson Toy Drive for his 6 month Birthday!

What a blessing each person that participated was to children of the hospital. We are looking forward to taking toys to Batson again in a few weeks for Hayden and Ava Grace!

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM OUR FAMILIY TO YOURS!
Hay-Hay loved monthly gifts!
 and sweets for his friends!
 ... he loved parties celebrating his life
 .... he loved his birthday hat, his elf, and his half 2 tiered cake
... he loved the gift of giving to others, he loved giving to the kids of Batson
 .... he loved his mommy and daddy
 ... he loved sharing the word of HOPE and FAITH

... he loved his mommy
 
 ... he loved supporting the hospital that gave him alot more days with mommy and daddy
.... he loves pretending to be Santa
 .... He loves being rudolph
 ..... he loved visiting the warm, furry santa
 .... he loved being dressed in his reindeer shoes
.... he loved his Santa hat
 .... he loved his sweet friends
 .... he loved sitting under the lights of the Christmas tree with Marley
 ... CELEBRATE the simple life blessings
 .... he loved that Santa came to visit
..... he said "thank you Elfs for all my Gifts"
.... he sometimes was sleepy from all the Christmas parties

 .... Merry Christmas from our Family to Yours. Count your blessings, hug your loved ones, Believe in Miracles, believe in HOPE, understand the REAL meaning behind Christmas. Enjoy each day to the fullest because tomorrow is not promised. Always continue legacies of the ones you love. Always smile as you look at pictures of the PAST and smile because you know it is Ten times better in Heaven. God's not done with you Yet, my precious precious angel in Heaven!

" Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful." Colossians 3:15


Monday, November 12, 2012

Holidays, Holidays, Holidays! What more do I need to say? Time change, time change, time change! What more do I need to say? I need a little more sunshine on these long sad nights. Well Brent and I have struggled tremendously since Halloween. The things that happened on Halloween were unbearable. We were prepared to be sad but not to hurt so much. Anyways, I have learned so much through Hayden’s process. I have said it once and I will say it again; our close group friends have been our backbone. Even strangers have given us more strength than imaginable.

Tonight, I spoke to a girl I knew from Washington School. She was a few classes older than me. We do not know each other that well. She informed me that she has always loved looking at pictures of Hayden. We briefly began to talk about the holidays. She said, “I’m sure it’s hard. I can’t imagine how hard it is, but I’m sure the holidays in Heaven are so much better than anything he could experience here. Can you imagine how big the Thanksgiving table will be where he is and the millions of Christmas lights and decorations he’ll get to see? He’ll get to be with Jesus on his birthday!” I cried happy tears after receiving this message. I cry happy tears again as I type it. I hope it gives each person that is reading my blog that has lost a child or family member this year a sense of HOPE and a sense of UNDERSTANDING that HEAVEN is so much better than EARTH during the HOLIDAYS.

It makes me feel selfish. Why do I want him here so bad? Why do I want him to come back to Earth where he dealt with 50 plus seizures daily and was completely dependent on me? Why would I want him to leave Heaven where he is at peace, pain free, and 4 days shy of 3 months seizure free? I guess it is because I am so eager to see my chunky monkey again. I am so eager for the day I can hear him say “Mommy” for the first time.
Hayden went 11 weeks seizure free last fall. He broke this seizure free moment on Thanksgiving. He seized all day and this only got worse during the Christmas Holidays. I was devastated. I was crushed. My friends tried so hard to buy him toys for Christmas. I bought him so many myself. I pretended that he was using them. I am not sure if this is called NIAVE or HOPEFUL. Last Thanksgiving, I had to mix 3 ounces milk, 2 tablespoons cereal, and a half jar of banana’s to make him eat. I was naive against needing the feeding tube. I was determined to feed him. So ALL in ALL even though we had a great Holiday season last year, Hayden was tired and hurting.

This year, Hayden will eat mashed potatoes and pecan pie. He will celebrate with the biggest cake of all time. He will sing Happy Birthday JESUS. He will walk around and actually have the ability to play with toys. Even though, I selfishly want him here. I truly understand that Hayden is the lucky one. He is the one that gets to sing Happy Birthday, eat cake, and play with an abundance of toys.  We might not have a room full of toys in our home this holiday season but we will shop for Hayden’s friends at Batson.
God Bless Each Family that Has to Experience the Holiday’s with their children this year.
Lastly, thank you to each person who has already sent gifts for the Batson Toy Drive in memory of Hayden and Ava Grace.

“Lord, please…. From the depths of my heart I cry out to you.  I’m trying to find my way. The road is rough. Despair is lurking nearby. Will I stand or fall? Break down or be strong? Will this pain ever cease?” Jill KellyJ


Sunday, November 4, 2012

Ava Grace/Hayden Christmas Project for their Earth Angel Friends at Batson

Well it is Christmas Open House Weekend in many of our small Delta towns. Many people are preparing for the Holiday season. For Amy, Bryan, Brent, and myself it will be a struggle. It will be a struggle for Amy and Bryan to continue to keep smiling faces for their angels during the Christmas season. While we will be at an empty and boring house on Christmas. Halloween gave us the feeling of being invisible and broken. So I am really scared that I need to disappear to an island for Christmas. Luckily, instead of disappearing, we are anxious to help children that are battling diseases gain a smile this Holiday season. The palliative care team and child life teams were truly a blessing to Ava Grace and Hayden. They truly gave us love, HOPE, and SUPPORT. We are looking forward to giving back to them. Many people have asked what they can do to help in memory of Ava Grace and Hayden. Here is a list of needs for the Palliative Care floor at Batson. They will share these items with other floors also.

The following letter is a list of needs for the Batson hospital floor of Palliative Care:
·         A slight reminder:  children actually LIVE on this floor in the hospital.

Cups, McDonalds, Backyard Burger, Subway, Chick-fil-A, and Wendy’s gift cards  (20 dollar Maximum)
New Release movies (Baby Einstein up to Teen)
DS games
iTunes cards
Hobby Lobby, Wal-Mart, Target cards
Rattles and teethers
Infant/Toddler toys with lights and music
Karaoke CDs
CD players (small ones) and popular CDs
Xbox 360 and Kinect Games
Prepaid Visa cards (20 dollar maximum)
Word search and crossword books
Art canvases of all sizes
Bedside arts and craft projects (Color Wonder, scratch art, sand art, etc)
Cribside Mobiles (Fisher Price aquarium types)
Journals
Crayola Markers
Social Games (Catch Phrase, etc)
Look and Find/I Spy books
Party Blowers, whistles, kazoos etc
Small photo albums
Disposable cameras
Photo paper
Scrapbook materials
Hand and footprint kits (can be found in craft sections at Hobby Lobby/Wal-Mart)

We will be taking these gifts to Batson sometime in the first few weeks of December. If you are interested in donating gift cards or anything else to Batson in memory of Hayden and Ava Grace, thank you! GIFT CARDS ARE A HUGE HELP AND NEED TO THE HOSPITAL. MAXIMUM OF 20 DOLLARS PER GIFT CARD.  MANY FAMILIES SPEND DAYS, WEEKS, AND MONTHS IN THE HOSPITAL. THESE ITEMS HELP FAMILIES financially. SECOND, I ASKED ABOUT CANVAS’, THE CHILDREN THAT LIVE THERE LOVE PRETTY DECORATED CANVAS’ SO IF YOU LIKE TO PAINT GO FOR ITJ ALSO BLANK CANVAS’ ARE NEEDED AS THEY LIKE TO PAINT THEMSELVES. GIFTS/TOYS/GIFT CARDS cannot be wrapped!

Lastly, teachers: PICU and NICU cannot receive items. We were thinking of allowing children to do Christmas cards/ pictures to pass out to these families. Merry Christmas is allowed on these cards. So if you and your class are interested in making Christmas cards, GO FOR IT J

You can mail to either of us if interested in participating. I know you will place a smile on each of these children’s faces. Thank you for your faithful prayers and loving hearts.