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Wednesday, July 24, 2013

As the pictures come to an end.....

On a cloudy day, I cannot help to do anything other than think about my little sunshine. Our little sunshine was enjoying life to his fullest this time last year. It is hard to believe that we are twenty days away from one year. I am dreading this day more and more each day. Hayden was our world. Hayden IS our world. Some people often say time will make it better. I often believe time makes it harder. The thought of being ONE YEAR since the last time I heard his precious coo is heartbreaking. I miss my bundle of joy so much.
The best part about this journey is all of the doors Hayden is opening for our family. Our hearts belong to Batson. Our hearts belong to helping sick kids. We look forward to helping the kids of Batson for the rest of our lives. We are reading the book WITHOUT A WORD right now. I would like to encourage each friend to read it. I feel like I am reading my own emotions, thoughts, and feelings. It is another reminder of not being alone.
God has been completely faithful during this past year. Our friends love talking about Hayden. I am blessed that my friends are not afraid to talk about our angel. We are so proud of our son. We are proud of the doors being opened. I often reflect on the things that we have done in memory of Hayden this past year. I am reminded of just how blessed we are to live in a Delta Community.  The Delta truly has some of the most caring people in the world.
I have been speaking to a family of a child that was expected to have ASLD. I am so pleased to say that the test results came back negative. I cried happy tears this morning as I was so thankful for them. I was so glad that they were not going to experience the wickedness of ASLD. Then I began to look outside my office window, wondering why me? Why us? Why couldn’t Hayden have been healthy? Then I go to a local store. Parents are screaming, hitting, and telling their kids to “SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP.” I then think Why us? Why Hayden? What made God choose our son? Then I watch something on TV about parents should never have to bury their children. Even though the situation was totally different, it made me reflect on August 16th. It made me cry as I reflect on burying our son. Why? WHY? Why? Then I was reminded of WHY GOD CHOSE US. God chose us because of our opportunities. God knew that our families would spoil him rotten while treating him just like the new baby PRINCE. Hayden was definitely treated just as well as the PRINCE. Hayden met more famous people than I had ever met in my life. Hayden’s smile was just as special as most people’s perfect score on the ACT. Every simple moment in Hayden’s life lit up our world.  We truly understood the thought of making every day count. Gosh, I am so thankful for the way we treated our son.

I can’t help but hurt as I accept the challenges God placed in front of us. I cannot help but question our future. I cannot help but to cry as I look at my IPHONE pictures going to an end. The one thing that we prayed for with Hayden was for him to not suffer. God fulfilled this promise and took Hayden to heaven so peacefully. God made sure Hayden was at peace. We are so thankful for the fact of no more seizures. We are thankful for a son that is pain free.  I am so selfish to wish he was still with me. I guess it’s just a “Mommy” thing.

I hope you enjoy a few of my last pictures with Hayden as much as I do. I am so thankful for so many pictures. These are definitely memories that will last a lifetime.

The night that we were given the worst news of our life. You can see the exhaustion in all of our eyes. We didnt have time to slow down so we went to Doe's. Everybody deserves Doe's in their lifetime.

 We showed Hayden the steak and even let him take a picture with it!
 We discussed the importance of Arts and Crafts. Oh how this picture makes me cry, we loved our craft time together.
 Every kid deserves a dog. Marley loved Hayden.
 Daddy's love their little boys.
 Sleeping so peacefully. It was so nice to see him not seizing. Eventhough, he will still hurting so bad. I hated to see his fist balled up.
 He still loved to smile at mommy.
 He loved dressing up with mommy.
 But his daddy and Uncle Todd had different plans on how to dress him.
 He was so happy to celebrate his NaNa's birthday one last time.
 This picture hurts my heart. This was the day on the beach. The beach was definitely his happy place.
                                                                    We Loved Our Family Outings.
 Daddy time.
 Hayden had special visitors.
He loved car rides. He always thought he was going to the bech.
                                        Peacefully sleeping through his last birthday celebration.

Until Next Time, we will hold onto the memories. We will thank God for his blessings. We will pray for all the kids with rare diseases. We will trust God with all his heart. We are overly blessed to have been parents to an angel.