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Friday, August 9, 2013

The last weekend of memories with our angel in Heaven....

Wow, what a day! This weekend means so much to me. It is a weekend of last memories. I feel like next week is going to turn my hair grey. One year ago, we spent our last weekend with Hayden. He was so healthy. He was sleeping a lot. I guess I should have known his sweet body was getting sleepy. Instead, I was thinking about taking our little buddy to the beach one last time for the summer. We were busy preparing for his “Aunt Kelli’s” surprise birthday party. We had so much going on. What a great weekend of memories. Oh how the last memories are so heartbreaking.


We started out by attending Uncle Andrew’s Meet the Generals. It was so HOT. You see it was a “GOD THING.” I would have normally not taken Hayden to something in the heat. I believe God was telling me it would be my only opportunity for Hayden to wear his cute WS shortall that I had just purchased. We had a great time. Hayden then went to spend time with his great grandparents. Hayden had the best great grandparents in the world. They made sure to see him or call and “talk” to him daily. I am so thankful for my Maw Maw and PawPaw for all of their help. I ran some errands and when we got home, I walked through the door saying…. “Where is my Hay-Hay?” He immediately responded. We were so excited to realize that he recognized his momma’s voice.

Hayden had many friends....both BIG and SMALL....

                                                                  He was one of the GENERALS biggest fans....
                                                                 We spent the week in "school"....
                                                           Memories last forever.......
The next day was awesome. I received a CD in the mail from Vowell Photography. They had taken pictures earlier in the week of Hayden. They were the most amazing pictures. He looked peaceful. When I picture Hayden in Heaven, I look at these pictures. I believe the perfection of these pictures was a “GOD THING.” I believe it was God allowing us to have everlasting pictures of what Hayden feels like in Heaven. While heading home that day, Hayden started talking. He was saying ddddaaaaaaaaaaa…. Man it felt so good to hear Hayden speak words so similar to the words daddy. I was the proudest mommy in the world.






The next day was our last day on the lake. We enjoyed our lake days last summer. Hayden enjoyed his day on the lake. The weather was slightly cool. Sadly, this was really his last day awake for many hours while on Earth. That night, I felt like I needed to go to a wedding. I normally was overprotective about leaving Hayden but I did. Brent and Hayden had a “father-son” night. They really needed this bonding time. Brent was not a fan of changing diapers. Well Hayden made him change diapers all night long. He was playing catch up!




Sunday, Hayden was very sleepy. We were always thinking about doing things “early” just in case something happened. We planned a surprise birthday party for our friend Kelli. Hayden made her a stepping stone. This day has kept me in tears all day today. Kelli and Clayton were two friends that never left our side. They loved Hayden like their own. They cooked countless meals for us. They helped us in more ways that I can begin to tell you. Why we planned her birthday a week earlier??? I guess it was a “God Thing” because sadly it was all of our friends last time to see Hayden. Unfortunately, we had to say Good-Bye to our angel on two of our best friend’s birthday. It makes me cry just thinking about this memory. Hayden never missed a beat. I guess he wanted to be a part of her birthday party. I am so thankful that we had this party. It was some of our last great memories, so he wore this outfit on his funeral.





After the weekend was over, we prepared for our beach trip with Uncle Todd and Aunt Lauren. We had tried countless weekends to head to the beach. Unfortunately, it never worked out. We woke up that Wednesday morning so excited about our beach trip. Hayden was acting a little odd. He was about 2 hours into a seizure when we got worried. I called our Hospice nurse to check on him before leaving. Long story short, within a few hours, we were in the Indianola Hospital fighting for our life. Hayden finally made it to Batson. He was so peaceful. I reflect now thinking about this trip. If we would have left that morning, Hayden would have passed away in Florida with just me, Brent, and two of our best friends. God knew we couldn’t handle that. God made sure the guys were running late so that we could never have the opportunity to leave. I am so sad we never got our beach trip with two of the most selfless and caring friends in the world. Yet, I thank God for not allowing this trip to happen.




The word one year is heartbreaking. One year sounds so long. One year makes me miss my LIFE so much more. When Hayden received his diagnosis, we prayed for comfort and no suffering. We got exactly what we prayed for. Within 12 hours, we went from packing a car for a beach trip to leaving a hospital without our son. Hayden went to Heaven the most peaceful and most perfect way I could have ever imagined. I know that is hard to imagine. I once again will say it was a “GOD THING” God knew our heart couldn’t handle anything more than peaceful. Lastly, I can never thank Jennifer Rutledge enough, a Jackson photographer, for the last photos with Hayden. I will forever hold these close to my heart. I also can never thank Brent’s Aunt Patricia enough. She was a “GOD THING” type of person for us. She was our backbone during Hayden’s last few months. Without her, I would have never survived. Being family and a nurse, she had a hard part to play. Yet, she never backed away from us. She was our hero. She made sure Hayden got exactly what he needed.

Hayden was so sick. The picture below reminds me of Hayden in Heaven. He is excited to be almost one year seizure free.

We promise to continue Hayden’s legacy throughout our life. We love and always will love our one and only son.
May God Bless each person who followed and prayed for our precious family during this past year…… This will be our last Milestone of the year. I am ready for next week to be over. I have full FAITH that with GOD on our side that we will overcome it with good days ahead!





Wednesday, July 24, 2013

As the pictures come to an end.....

On a cloudy day, I cannot help to do anything other than think about my little sunshine. Our little sunshine was enjoying life to his fullest this time last year. It is hard to believe that we are twenty days away from one year. I am dreading this day more and more each day. Hayden was our world. Hayden IS our world. Some people often say time will make it better. I often believe time makes it harder. The thought of being ONE YEAR since the last time I heard his precious coo is heartbreaking. I miss my bundle of joy so much.
The best part about this journey is all of the doors Hayden is opening for our family. Our hearts belong to Batson. Our hearts belong to helping sick kids. We look forward to helping the kids of Batson for the rest of our lives. We are reading the book WITHOUT A WORD right now. I would like to encourage each friend to read it. I feel like I am reading my own emotions, thoughts, and feelings. It is another reminder of not being alone.
God has been completely faithful during this past year. Our friends love talking about Hayden. I am blessed that my friends are not afraid to talk about our angel. We are so proud of our son. We are proud of the doors being opened. I often reflect on the things that we have done in memory of Hayden this past year. I am reminded of just how blessed we are to live in a Delta Community.  The Delta truly has some of the most caring people in the world.
I have been speaking to a family of a child that was expected to have ASLD. I am so pleased to say that the test results came back negative. I cried happy tears this morning as I was so thankful for them. I was so glad that they were not going to experience the wickedness of ASLD. Then I began to look outside my office window, wondering why me? Why us? Why couldn’t Hayden have been healthy? Then I go to a local store. Parents are screaming, hitting, and telling their kids to “SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP.” I then think Why us? Why Hayden? What made God choose our son? Then I watch something on TV about parents should never have to bury their children. Even though the situation was totally different, it made me reflect on August 16th. It made me cry as I reflect on burying our son. Why? WHY? Why? Then I was reminded of WHY GOD CHOSE US. God chose us because of our opportunities. God knew that our families would spoil him rotten while treating him just like the new baby PRINCE. Hayden was definitely treated just as well as the PRINCE. Hayden met more famous people than I had ever met in my life. Hayden’s smile was just as special as most people’s perfect score on the ACT. Every simple moment in Hayden’s life lit up our world.  We truly understood the thought of making every day count. Gosh, I am so thankful for the way we treated our son.

I can’t help but hurt as I accept the challenges God placed in front of us. I cannot help but question our future. I cannot help but to cry as I look at my IPHONE pictures going to an end. The one thing that we prayed for with Hayden was for him to not suffer. God fulfilled this promise and took Hayden to heaven so peacefully. God made sure Hayden was at peace. We are so thankful for the fact of no more seizures. We are thankful for a son that is pain free.  I am so selfish to wish he was still with me. I guess it’s just a “Mommy” thing.

I hope you enjoy a few of my last pictures with Hayden as much as I do. I am so thankful for so many pictures. These are definitely memories that will last a lifetime.

The night that we were given the worst news of our life. You can see the exhaustion in all of our eyes. We didnt have time to slow down so we went to Doe's. Everybody deserves Doe's in their lifetime.


 We showed Hayden the steak and even let him take a picture with it!
 We discussed the importance of Arts and Crafts. Oh how this picture makes me cry, we loved our craft time together.
 Every kid deserves a dog. Marley loved Hayden.
 Daddy's love their little boys.
 Sleeping so peacefully. It was so nice to see him not seizing. Eventhough, he will still hurting so bad. I hated to see his fist balled up.
 He still loved to smile at mommy.
 He loved dressing up with mommy.
 But his daddy and Uncle Todd had different plans on how to dress him.
 He was so happy to celebrate his NaNa's birthday one last time.
 This picture hurts my heart. This was the day on the beach. The beach was definitely his happy place.
                                                                    We Loved Our Family Outings.
 Daddy time.
 Hayden had special visitors.
He loved car rides. He always thought he was going to the bech.
  
                                        Peacefully sleeping through his last birthday celebration.
 

Until Next Time, we will hold onto the memories. We will thank God for his blessings. We will pray for all the kids with rare diseases. We will trust God with all his heart. We are overly blessed to have been parents to an angel.



Monday, June 3, 2013

Birthday Celebration for Our Angel in Heaven


I can only smile and cry as I reflect on this past weekend.  Is this a dream? When am I going to wake up from this dreaded dream? Why would this be happening to us? Unfortunately, we are not in a dream. Selfishly, I should be ashamed of myself for ever thinking that we were not worthy of having something so bad happen to our family. The truth is our life was perfect. Our life with Hayden was not bad. Instead, it was magical. I almost feel ashamed for wishing the thought of wanting a healthy child. Just because Hayden was unhealthy, he was perfect.  We will always WISH he was healthy because we want to have our little boy. We were blessed with an angel. We were given the opportunity to be parents to a missionary. We learned so much from Hayden. We were a strong team! Brent and I are still a pretty good team. Hayden leads all of our decisions in life. We had a hard yet great weekend. The reason for this was our amazing group of supporters. I cannot begin to tell you how many messages that we received this weekend. You are the reason for our HOPE!

We started our birthday weekend out by going to the dance recital. The theme was sunshine and beaches. All the dances were uplifting and sweet. Our hearts were overflowing with joy and happiness. The kids danced to “YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE.” We were surprised with tons of flowers at the end. These special moments made us grateful for all of our amazing friends in the community of Greenville. We have been given more love than we could ever deserve.
Following the dance recital, we had family/friends over to our house to release 12 lanterns and eat pizza. Well Hayden decided to make his presence through raindrops and a LIGHTENING SHOW that was much brighter than the lanterns! All we could do was laugh.
Yesterday, we had a birthday celebration. We did all of Hayden’s favorite things. We painted a canvas with our personal artist, Whitney. The guys even painted! She is going to do some final touches before framing it for the hospital. Hayden’s creativity will be forever placed into his second home. The kids had a blast!  We ate a delicious cake by our friends at The Sweetery! The kids loved the sunflowers floating in the ocean on the cake. We swam and even let yellow lanterns go over the lake. It was a perfect day with family and friends. All in all without our family/friends, we would have not made it through this weekend. We are blessed. We are thankful. We are loved!

The sweet dance recital suprise warmed our heart........
the dozens of flowers and balloons made us smile......
 the yummy cake made by our friends was perfect......
 the cake explains his peace in Heaven......
 we started from scratch......
 we had a memory book of all his favorite days with his loved ones from 12 to 14.5 months....
we smiled and watched these talented girls dance to upbeat music..... 
 we ate cake as we imagined Hayden eating cake for the first time in Heaven......
 we painted with HOPE for the kids in Mississippi's Children's Hospital......
 we laughed and giggled.......
 we shared memories of Hayden's crafts......
 his best little girl friends painted the flower........
 we thought about the good times at the lake house.....
 Nona and Nana worked hard......
even the guys helped paint..... 
they were neater than the girls...... 
 it was coming together perfectly......
Hayden's friend cut the cake..... 
the children did arts and crafts..... 
we finished our first coat of the painting..... 
We hope the painting makes the kids smile......
 a great group of men......
 our family is missing our angel in Heaven.....
 Yellow Lanterns for our amazing son...
 they were beautiful.....
 true friends are there for each other on the good and the bad days.....
 fly high to the Heaven above....
 a few crashed......silly Hayden likes to make us laugh.....
 a perfect happy from a sweet friend.....
 nightime lanterns shined bright in the sky......
 HOPE and PEACE and PROMISES to never give up....... 

Thank you so much to all of our blog followers. Your prayers are felt each and every day. We still hurt 10 months later. We will forever remember Hayden. He will forever be our first born child. He will always keep us motivated to help others. It is so hard to blog now. It use to be so easy. You all know the story from start to finish. We will keep the blog open for families that need motivation and courage. We will continue to use this blog to share fundraisers and exciting Hayden moments with you. We love our journey with Hayden. Please send anyone  that needs to talk our email address, lauren122885@hotmail.com. We have met many new friends that are going through the same thing. God has placed us on Earth to help others. We enjoy hearing other stories. We have so MUCH HOPE for the suffering. We will continue to pray for cures and miracles. May God Bless Each of You. Look for  another blog in the later part of June. 
With Love, Lauren and Brent Casavechia