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Friday, August 9, 2013

The last weekend of memories with our angel in Heaven....

Wow, what a day! This weekend means so much to me. It is a weekend of last memories. I feel like next week is going to turn my hair grey. One year ago, we spent our last weekend with Hayden. He was so healthy. He was sleeping a lot. I guess I should have known his sweet body was getting sleepy. Instead, I was thinking about taking our little buddy to the beach one last time for the summer. We were busy preparing for his “Aunt Kelli’s” surprise birthday party. We had so much going on. What a great weekend of memories. Oh how the last memories are so heartbreaking.

We started out by attending Uncle Andrew’s Meet the Generals. It was so HOT. You see it was a “GOD THING.” I would have normally not taken Hayden to something in the heat. I believe God was telling me it would be my only opportunity for Hayden to wear his cute WS shortall that I had just purchased. We had a great time. Hayden then went to spend time with his great grandparents. Hayden had the best great grandparents in the world. They made sure to see him or call and “talk” to him daily. I am so thankful for my Maw Maw and PawPaw for all of their help. I ran some errands and when we got home, I walked through the door saying…. “Where is my Hay-Hay?” He immediately responded. We were so excited to realize that he recognized his momma’s voice.

Hayden had many friends....both BIG and SMALL....

                                                                  He was one of the GENERALS biggest fans....
                                                                 We spent the week in "school"....
                                                           Memories last forever.......
The next day was awesome. I received a CD in the mail from Vowell Photography. They had taken pictures earlier in the week of Hayden. They were the most amazing pictures. He looked peaceful. When I picture Hayden in Heaven, I look at these pictures. I believe the perfection of these pictures was a “GOD THING.” I believe it was God allowing us to have everlasting pictures of what Hayden feels like in Heaven. While heading home that day, Hayden started talking. He was saying ddddaaaaaaaaaaa…. Man it felt so good to hear Hayden speak words so similar to the words daddy. I was the proudest mommy in the world.

The next day was our last day on the lake. We enjoyed our lake days last summer. Hayden enjoyed his day on the lake. The weather was slightly cool. Sadly, this was really his last day awake for many hours while on Earth. That night, I felt like I needed to go to a wedding. I normally was overprotective about leaving Hayden but I did. Brent and Hayden had a “father-son” night. They really needed this bonding time. Brent was not a fan of changing diapers. Well Hayden made him change diapers all night long. He was playing catch up!

Sunday, Hayden was very sleepy. We were always thinking about doing things “early” just in case something happened. We planned a surprise birthday party for our friend Kelli. Hayden made her a stepping stone. This day has kept me in tears all day today. Kelli and Clayton were two friends that never left our side. They loved Hayden like their own. They cooked countless meals for us. They helped us in more ways that I can begin to tell you. Why we planned her birthday a week earlier??? I guess it was a “God Thing” because sadly it was all of our friends last time to see Hayden. Unfortunately, we had to say Good-Bye to our angel on two of our best friend’s birthday. It makes me cry just thinking about this memory. Hayden never missed a beat. I guess he wanted to be a part of her birthday party. I am so thankful that we had this party. It was some of our last great memories, so he wore this outfit on his funeral.

After the weekend was over, we prepared for our beach trip with Uncle Todd and Aunt Lauren. We had tried countless weekends to head to the beach. Unfortunately, it never worked out. We woke up that Wednesday morning so excited about our beach trip. Hayden was acting a little odd. He was about 2 hours into a seizure when we got worried. I called our Hospice nurse to check on him before leaving. Long story short, within a few hours, we were in the Indianola Hospital fighting for our life. Hayden finally made it to Batson. He was so peaceful. I reflect now thinking about this trip. If we would have left that morning, Hayden would have passed away in Florida with just me, Brent, and two of our best friends. God knew we couldn’t handle that. God made sure the guys were running late so that we could never have the opportunity to leave. I am so sad we never got our beach trip with two of the most selfless and caring friends in the world. Yet, I thank God for not allowing this trip to happen.

The word one year is heartbreaking. One year sounds so long. One year makes me miss my LIFE so much more. When Hayden received his diagnosis, we prayed for comfort and no suffering. We got exactly what we prayed for. Within 12 hours, we went from packing a car for a beach trip to leaving a hospital without our son. Hayden went to Heaven the most peaceful and most perfect way I could have ever imagined. I know that is hard to imagine. I once again will say it was a “GOD THING” God knew our heart couldn’t handle anything more than peaceful. Lastly, I can never thank Jennifer Rutledge enough, a Jackson photographer, for the last photos with Hayden. I will forever hold these close to my heart. I also can never thank Brent’s Aunt Patricia enough. She was a “GOD THING” type of person for us. She was our backbone during Hayden’s last few months. Without her, I would have never survived. Being family and a nurse, she had a hard part to play. Yet, she never backed away from us. She was our hero. She made sure Hayden got exactly what he needed.

Hayden was so sick. The picture below reminds me of Hayden in Heaven. He is excited to be almost one year seizure free.

We promise to continue Hayden’s legacy throughout our life. We love and always will love our one and only son.
May God Bless each person who followed and prayed for our precious family during this past year…… This will be our last Milestone of the year. I am ready for next week to be over. I have full FAITH that with GOD on our side that we will overcome it with good days ahead!


  1. Praying that each day is brighter for you and Brent. I'm sure Hayden is with you every day!

  2. My niece was diagnosed with ADSL at about 2 months. She will be 6 months on the 1st of September 2015. We try to make each day wonderful and full of love. My heart breaks reading your story.
    Cyndy (BC, CANADA)