Holidays without Hayden

Well from the beginning, I have promised one thing in my blog. The one promise is honesty. SO TODAY MANY OF YOU ARE WONDERING HOW WE ARE DOING?

I would like to start by saying with 70,000 viewers, my blog is not just for my community. It is to help  many families suffering from deaths of babies just like us. In fact, my main focus is to help people that are like “us” now. I do not plan on discontinuing my blog anytime soon. The reason being is it is helping people as far as Australia cope with rare diseases similar to Hayden’s. My blog is reaching out to many families of children that have passed into Heaven.

How did Brent and I do with our first holiday?  Well many people can answer this question because you called, texted, emailed, and even sent cards to us. We did not expect for Halloween to be very difficult. Unfortunately, it was devastating. Halloween is supposed to be a day with family. Instead it was us with friends. We miss Hayden. We miss keeping him involved. Every time, we talked today sadness would fill our hearts.  We were filled with grief and sadness throughout the day. I know Hayden was pretty sad in Heaven. He never wanted his mommy and daddy to be sad. He watches down on us each day. He hopes that we will smile, stay positive, and continue his legacy. Unfortunately, today was a day where sadness over flowed throughout our hearts. We were filled with hurt, anger, grief, and so much more.

The one thing that I would like to say is thank you to each person that constantly checks on us. Hayden wants us to be strong. Your courage, quotes, pictures, and calls have reminded us that Hayden has inspired many.

As we begin to cope with the holiday season, I hope you are ready. Amy, Bryan, Brent and myself have some big exciting news of how we are going to continue the legacy of Ava Grace and Hayden throughout the Holiday Season. We have many friends that will be very excited to help. We will be blogging about it together in the next few weeks. We love helping others. We look forward to getting each of you involved. I would much rather disappear until January. I would much rather hibernate so I could stay strong and positive. Unfortunately, we have work to do. We have children just like Hayden and Ava Grace that deserve a smile this Christmas season. We look forward to sharing more with each of you in the upcoming weeks. I know Hayden and Ava Grace will work in each of your hearts to participate.

God is GOOD all the TIME no MATTER WHAT! 

“Who can live like this? Life seems so empty and meaningless. I feel hollow and lost. Where can I find life and hope? Everywhere I look I am reminded of what used to be. Not a day goes by that I don’t ponder this life and love of yesterday.” Jill Kelly

The truth is Brent and I miss Hayden. We miss every small thing about his precious body.  We often wonder are we going to be okay. The truth is life will never be the same. I mean we were given the ability to be the parents to an Earth Angel. We are going to continue to have good days and bad days. The days are not stopping for us as we grieve. We still have to go on with work and daily routines whether it is a good or bad day. This is definitely a bittersweet thing. My heart will never be the same. We will never “get over it.” We will always be missing our number one.

God is not done with Hayden yet. Hayden is just sitting in Jesus’ lap watching Brent and I complete each of his duties. So, I have to remember most children lie and disrespect. Hayden was so PERFECT.  He never lied nor disrespected us. WE ARE BLESSED. Hayden always went along with the flow. WE ARE LUCKY. Hayden was an EARTH ANGEL.  WE WERE TRUSTED BY GOD WITH HIS DELICATE SON. WE ARE PROUD. Now, Hayden is gone. We cry each day. Are we supposed to move forward? Are we supposed to forget of him? NOOOO because God is not done using Hayden.

Brent and I will continue to help families of special needs children. I look forward to getting involved in the Special Olympics. If you know a family with a special needs child, please do not be afraid. They deserve love too! Help these precious families out. These children go through more in a day than many people do in a month. They definitely deserve love and respect. I have heard so many times that people don’t know what to say. Well if you know one of these type people, remind them that a simple text, card, or hello can make the days to families like us. We are normal human beings too. Families with sick/handicap children deserve to feel the love, prayers, and support of others. If you would normally turn your back, take a moment and think of someone to help.  I promise you we all know someone with a handicap family member, illness, autistic child, etc. HELP THEM OUT! Trust me, if you were in these families’ shoes you would understand. They deserve it! Brent and I will continue to raise awareness and money for Palliative Care and Blair Batson. Without each of these wonderful organizations, we would definitely be grey headed. If you need help feeling blessed go visit the hospital. Hunter’s Hope is a foundation for Leukodystrophy’s similar to Hayden. Brent and I cannot wait to help them bring awareness to these horrific diseases. March of Dimes: AWARENESS, AWARENESS, AWARENESS! Little to say these are just a few of the ways Brent and I are continuing Hayden’s legacy. We will continue to believe and have HOPE for Hayden and all the kids in the world.  I am slightly over whelmed with all of the responsibilities that we are taking on but it is all about helping children and families of children like Hayden. Hayden will remind us to “just breathe.” He will remind us by sending signs of dimes and butterfly’s to say well done mommy/daddy. If any of you are interested in getting in on raising awareness or helping kids like Hayden, we look forward to you helping us. We will be doing GIFT CARDS for restaurants near the hospital for Batson for Christmas. We LOVE the families that are so similar to us.

Brent and I are clinging to each other, hope, and faith. God picked us for a reason. We will continue to use this journey as a positive blessing. We will continue to believe in Miracles. After all, Hayden received one. He is pain and seizure free. Hayden’s chubby cheeks and blonde curls are skipping over rocks in Heaven.  Thank you for your faithful prayers.

Holiday Time

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if things were different? Do you ever wish you could have something that you cannot have? Well here it is… the holidays are approaching. This weekend has been terrible. I loved Holidays with Hayden. He had seven smocked Halloween/harvest outfits. He also had 3 Halloween costumes. The moral of the story today is grieving during the holidays is terrible. You WISH you could have one more Halloween with him. Unfortunately, in reality I do understand that you would always want just one more. The holidays are going to be different. Everybody gets so excited about trick or treating, class parties, Halloween movies and the list goes on. What am I suppose to do without Hayden for Halloween? Well we are going to plant flowers at the cemetery. He will have the prettiest grave in Greenville. He was our sunshine. He was everything in our eyes. It has been two months but it seems like an eternity. We cry. We hurt. We have days where we struggle to breathe.

Then I question, what if God would have allowed Hayden one more set of Holidays? What would it be like? He was getting so big. Would he be in a wheelchair? Would he be on continuous O2? Would he need to be deep suctioned even more? Would he be having 100 plus seizures a day? Bless our poor angel’s heart. He was so strong. He endured so much pain each day. Yet, he still smiled and cooed. We are going to remember to that Hayden is walking, giggling, and talking. He is learning all of the “in’s and out’s” of heaven so he can teach us one day. We will be able to spend eternity with our precious pumpkin.

I walk through Wal-Mart to see people complaining about having to buy costumes, candy, etc for their kids. Well, I just wish everyone realized to count each day as a special blessing. Nobody is promised tomorrow. I would do anything to buy one more bag of candy, and one more costume. Be THANKFUL that you are given the opportunity to spend a holiday with your precious family. Take photos, paint pumpkins, and enjoy each moment. Life can change in a year. Life can change in a way that makes breathing difficult. So make each moment count. Love your family unconditionally. I am so thankful for a son that taught me real life morals. I am so thankful for a son that allowed us the ability to realize what is important in life. I am so thankful for a husband that is going to be my backbone as we struggle to breathe throughout the holiday season. All will be good in the end because we will spend eternity with our child in Heaven one day.

“Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9B

arts/crafts

Special moments are so much more important than winning a lottery. Special moments with your children are things that will last a lifetime. I must admit sadness is far from leaving our hearts. We are devastated. The rainy cool fall days are so depressing. It makes us miss our little angel just that much more. The one thing that I can say is memories will get us through the weak moments. No, you do not have to be creative to have fun with art. I will treasure my Hayden art work on the good days but importantly the bad days.

Clayful Impressions and Red Leaf Pottery helped us receive many lasting impressions. I wear my jewelry from Clayful Impressions daily so I can feel his precious thumbprint. I am so glad she is coming to Greenville twice this month. Everyone that has appointments will treasure her work more than a diamond necklace. My kitchen is full of Red Leaf. I love my “Art frame.” We trade his work out weekly. I am so thankful to have made art for all of the upcoming holidays.

Enjoy moments with washable paint! Arts and crafts with sweet angels is just another way to treasure each moment as they growJ I must admit Hayden was a hard working artist!

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. –Psalm 139:14”

We will continue to hold onto all of the memories made to keep us “breathing.” I must say I am so THANKFUL God gave us the ability to use pinterest and creativity to enjoy many bonding moments with our angel.